Saturday, December 11, 2010

SAMURAI: Laser-Beam Shark-Dragon

I narrowly dodge the laser beam that blasts out of the shark's mouth. Yes, laser beam, yes shark. Though, to be fair, it's a giant shark (giant meaning humpback whale sized). And it's also flying and has short clawed arms and legs. Sort of a dragon-shark. The laser isn't so hard to accept now, is it?

 I'm an agent of SAMURAI, so it's my job to take this guy down before he causes too much damage. There are three different divisions of SAMURAI: experimental weapons division, giant robots division, and superhuman division. I'm one of the latter. My name is Warrior Who Strikes Like Tsunami. It sounds cooler in Japanese.

So, back to the shark-dragon. He flaps his enormous wings above the water, hovering in place. The force of his wings creating huge waves that are crashing up into the harbor, and gale-force winds to accompany them. I fly straight at him, my blue and white spandex super-suit protecting me from the wind sheer. He fires another blast from his mouth, and I roll quickly to the right, dodging it. He roars in anger as I slam into him, putting my super-strength to use. I punch holes into his snout, but it has no effect except aggravating him further.

I need to change my strategy. I can't let him get above land.

I push forcefully off of his snout, slamming his mouth shut. I fly at top-speed to his leathery wings and grab on. I hold on tightly as he flaps wildly, trying to throw me off. I pull with all my strength and tear a huge hole in the wing, which covers me in purple dragon-shark blood. He flails in mid-air, unable to to keep flying with just one wing, and he crashes into the sea.

You'd think that would be a job well done. You'd be wrong. See, there are two things wrong here. First one, I fell into the water with the shark-dragon, and he's super pissed right now. Second thing, is he's still alive. Tokyo has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to giant monsters. That means I have to put this sucker down.

The monster whirls around, now much quicker in the water. He looks at me and opens his mouth wide and lunges at me. I shoot into his mouth and down his throat. You'd be surprised at how often getting eaten is actually part of the plan. Now comes the gross part. I put my super-strength to use one more time and double-punch a huge hole out of the creature's stomach. I fly to the surface and out into the open air, covered in purple monster ooze and sea water.

Just another day at the office.

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